tired.
so tired.
joBless.
quit playing if i could
stop shopping if i could
i got no money to spend
no bling bling to wear
my life is fast forwarding
cant catch up with it.

oh ya! new shoes today! a pair of green shoes. 39.90RM! just the pair of shoes that i want but only cheaper (:

i bcame much thrifty lately. and i like it heeee!



secret recipe
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

hee.. finally get to eat this. been longing for it for some time ever since kel loves to post delicious food on her blog to tempt me lol. but anyway really nice food (:

collage3
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

a happy one yr and one mth to the both of us. forgot forgot forgot all abt it. until sunday.
yesterday was the big day but still it's okay we both to get to celebrate today on a trip to JB.. went to Secret recipe to eat, caught the movie "Zathura" aiya crap show. crap! anyway watched Harry potter on Mon with nessa and the show was so good!!! great great great show!

Tequila Loves Me
~Kenny Chesney

South of the border, American dollars
Take you a long, long way
Beach side bungalows, sand between your toes
Nobody knows your name.

There's a worm at the bottom of A bottle
That's well within my reach
And the heart that you broke
Will soon be a joke
As soon as he and I meet.

Ohhh, forgettin's cheap in Mexio
She'll be there waitin'
And she won't say no
Tequila loves me even if you don't.

Madam tequila's a fine senorita
All my compadres concur
She won't like, she won't leave
In your hour of need
So, we're raisin' our glasses to her.

They say "valmos hecharlo el traga"
It means drink it all down 'till you see
The bottom of the glass and it's kicking your ass
Boys the next round's on me.

Ohhh, forgettin's cheap in Mexico
She'll be there waitin'
And she won't say no
Tequila loves me even if you don't.

Ohhh, forgettin's cheap in Mexico
She'll be there waitin'
And she won't say no
Tequila loves me even if you don't.

Ohhh, forgettin's cheap in Mexico
She'll be there waitin'
And she won't say no
Tequila loves me even if you don't.

Ohhh.
Ohhh.
Ohhh...



famous duRian Ice Cream!!
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

i love the ice cream.. is durian. taste like durian.. the whole thing is like freezing cold durian..that melts in ur mouth..yummuy.. dont rem the store name. not v famous name like andersen or swensen or wat. but the ice cream were made from natural fruits.. alot of ppl que-ing for it

Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

wait wait wait... for him to off work.. lol... was really tired. went to park way again...

bestie
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

watched vcd at kel's home. we rent a comedy but dont think very funny. haha.. maybe our english sucks. next time we should rent a chi show!
PS: this is the best shot in the whole camera lol. Plz send me the pics asap (:

nail art
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

my bestie doing my nails for me (:
her very own kelly's manicure Salooon

dim sum
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

FriDaY;
happy muching at crystal Jade

p3
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

p1
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

ok.. kissing me with his nose.. lol.. huh

p4
Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

this photo sucks. cos the merlion was too far away. just testing my camera. havent been to explandne for a long timeee...

okay. dont feel blogging much. decide to close off my blog but then maybe i should use it for )photo blogging instead.
find that blog doesnt allow much privacy in ur lives. cant really rant abt anything. not really abt hiding any secrets or watever. sometimes the blog is for you to bitch abt. i let this be a brand new start for me.. as i finally moved back home after abt.. so many mths i guess. i also got myself a notebook for my journal entries. i still love the feeling of penning it down in words and ink.

nothing much for the day. except insecurities of myself. have no idea how paranoid i can be. but glad the day turn out well "bcos i choose not to be unhappy " and i' did it!

happy that i didnt waste money. happy that i get to eat at crystal jade all the dim sum i've been craving for. happy that got alot of gfs date me. happy that exams are over. happy that i can be at explandne with him finally!


i'm freaking bored. thurs then last paper. hai..x...
i spend some time flipping through my gothic esssayss.. and made some ammendments to it...
i have no mood for studying. i'm all ready for play.
i crave for sweet stuff ARG
my tooth hurts.
i'm bored.
i havent eat chocolate for some time. esp my fav twirl calbury. but right now i felt like having MeRci..
watched project runway yest. nice!
couldnt sleep last night. slept at 4 .32a.m
feel fat. am fat.
30thnov start work. never thought i would get a job so fast. but it last for two weeks. just some temp job that yang's pa ask me to take it.
i'm tired. why am i always tiredddd...
i need to exercise.
i want smacking red lips
i want ... the double choco cheese cake from brown box...
i miss Sentosa..
i hate rainy days




Attraction has never been my problem. It's easy to form and easy to get rid of. A simple, malleable emotion.

sometimes fate play tricks on people. sometimes we all know things are never the same again. we ask " what if " ... maybe we should not even ask such questions. bcos the possibilities of that are un-countable.

i had a bad dream. it involves many people. many strangers.
i saw things that might broke us apart.
i woke up in fright. i couldnt get myself off that dream and i fought hard to break away from it.

fly me to bangkok. i need a holiday.


heh heh.. this is my new digi cam. looks ugly in this pic(much much beta in real), mine is gold in colour. (proudly declared*)



Sony this week launched the new Cyber-shot DSC-T1 digital camera, a 5 megapixel camera with the size of a deck of cards.

The DSC-T1 also has a 2.5-inch LCD viewfinder, which takes up about two-thirds of the camera?s back surface area, Sony said. The camera can also shoot full-resolution images in one-second intervals, and can capture four burst shots in under two seconds, the company added.

Other features include a Memory Stick PRO Duo card slot, MPEG-VX movie mode, a Carl Zeiss Vario-Tessar optical lens, 3x optical zoom, auto-focus and auto-exposure. The camera measures about 0.8-inches thin, and is about 2.4-inches tall. The camera?s USB port, audio/video output and DC power jacks have been moved to a new camera docking station (comes bundled with the camera) that also can charge the battery and connect the camera to a TV or PC, Sony said. The DSC-T1 will cost $550 and be available in January.


Sunday

again. went to parkway parade (i love the durian ice cream there!) to buy yang's long desired PSP(play station portable)
decide to try out my new digi cam and take a few snap shots in hi car.

(my hair look really bad now... i'm having bad hair day everyday until i get it straight on thurs!)

finally. we bought the PSP and a new game (guilty gear XX) wah i love this game! very long never play le.. hah.. so i got v engrossed with his psp. and more happy that sims2 wld be coming out soon for psp. oh! i bought myself an esprit black tee. i've been thrifty lately. (: treat yang to the durian ice cream cos he loved it so much and since i'm paying for it, i ate 70% of it. lol..



at pasta mania. i saw this xmas tree... cant help drifting into xmas mood already. and i quickly book wenqi to watch the new movie that is coming soon "memoir of geisha" with me. have no idea what this christmas would be like....

yang's PSP


it's been so long since i heard him ask for anything. okay he never really wanted anything. but since he's so willingly fork out his hard earned money for this... "thing" well we both got what we like. (: but so painfully. i nvr buy such an expensive item before..


Love changes as the days pass.The changes aren't neccessarily for the good or for the bad just for the present. Looking at the pictures I have of him don't inspire the same sort of bittersweetness they used to because I know in a few hours, he'll be home from work and I'll be able to kiss him again. Hug him. Curl up with him. Do sweet things for him, like get him that desperately needed drink.

Cant believe we have to fight like we used to this morning. for a long time , i hadnt cry like that. and it hurts. but still we forgive each other quickly. cant help feeling bitter every morning waking up and he's not beside me. another busy day at work and i cant wait for the time to tick by and welcome him home with both my arms. but slowly i get used to such a feeling. no longer troubled by it. still missing him sweetly in my heart


monday - screw up my lit paper one, cried, phoned mum, shape my eye brow at little india. visit kor at mustafa, got a new sony digi cam that cost 609 bucks (have to pay mum at least half of it), went east coast with yang, ate mac at east coast. round till 2+ 3. fall dead sleep in the car. got irritated.

tuesday - woke up damm early. had mac pancakes!. met up with boon, xue hui, ah boy. straight to JB, so we were joking of whether we'll get threatened by the gangsters for money down there since is quite common "ni you mei you shi guo bei bao?" means surround by lots of bengs and get hum thump i guess. some more we dress until too nice but nvm i'm pretty safe in the hands of 4 strong men. window shopping. but end up me and yang spend a total of 150 bucks tog. the stuff at JB not really that cheap..drop my idea rebonding hair there. KL is much much cheaper

in our shopping bag:
Me:
-a very pretty purple bracelet
-brown adidas jacket
-2 cds games - majong and 7sins
Him:
-a leather snake skin sling bag
-3 vcd and 1 dvd
the other men bought shoes and caps and boxers lorhx.

we caught the movie "exorcism of Emily Rose" very similar to excorcist. the movie there damm cheap la 6rm per tix, 3 bucks sg dollar. and the cinema is good (: just like cineleisure. wanted to take neoprints but too ex.
then we eat a chi restuarant there, no one except us are eating in that freaking restuarant. and.. ya the food porttion really too small. :( but i really want to eat Rice mah. thats why we never end up eating KFC.
but so far our day ends well. everything was nice. but we always lost one another lol.

today(wed): woke up early. v tired still. ta bao breakfast for yang's mum, watch the andy lau show on vcd "zai yi ci shuo wo ai ni" and i cried. then i tidy his room and left for home. talk to dad. fall asleep. talk to mum. yang fetch me. seriously, to me is holiday now..huh.. i felt so tired bcos of all the late nights playing


i dont want to drop tears. please. tell me to stop. i dont want to cry. please.i cant take this. i dont know why all these sad memories came rushing back into my mind. i cant forget that night when i live in desperation, where no one stands by me but push me further into a dark pit. i cannot forget how i ran bare footed across the streets. i stood there with no hope no faith no.. nothing. i have nothing. this agonizing pain is a part of my scar. this open wound i cant heal. please. dont remind me of anything. dont ask. i dont wanna talk abt anything. i rather suffer in silence like i used to.

dont talk to me abt family matters. what do u know. if u say u love ur family. do u sincerely do and share their pain and joy? i do. i once did. how much is love and cherish. do u share their pain. do u understand them. do they know u. have they ever exist in ur life. they do not exist in my life.
each and every time i tried to reach out but u know they dont exist in my life. they are merely objects that move around over space over time. and slowly they just dissolve into ashes.

my disappointment i fear i will have to face it one more time. no matter how strong i tries to be. i still cant deny feelings that are rooted inside me. tell me i bare no more hatred no more disappointment no more pain. i know i cant.

god knows. to forgive and forget. why should i be the one to forgive and forget. why. i wanna play the bad guy role for once. i wanna be evil and slaughter every being that hurts my feelings.the bad guy always win. i dont wanna be a loser in the real world. not anymore


aiyah! all i want is just a "B" for maths..
i knew i could do it.. so i mug like hell yest.
but the paper 2 today is just shit shit shit! i memorise all the formulas, practise all past yr qns. read thru lec notes (i did all the stats qns). and hell i dont know what the whole qns is talking about - i just screw up the entire paper 2. 65% (for stats) gone down the drain. wasted. paper one was average. so it was managable. and i am so close to getting a "B" or even an "A" bcos i tried. i tried! i know all i do is online online online. but deep down i was studying. even if its last minute. i was mugging like hell for maths. and the same goes for chinese. put in damm lots of effort. the qns came out so unexpectedly. SIGH.

dont know what else to do anymore. such a disappointment


wah..
been online since 12 noon till now.
no one to chat with. Eeww... so bored.
so i burried my head into the books and study diligently. ok.. i think i studied just enough to manage maths p2. but still. i find the past years papers for maths difficult.
mum's off work at 1 plus today. think she at home now.. yet i cant go and find her today and tomorrow. since i have to study.. then sat and sun i have to mug for lit. promise i'll bring her to eat the mogolian or international buffet after my As. just finishing making a "ping an" charm for yang.. work work work. come home still accompany me to watch vcd. not enough sleep still have to entertain me all the time. so better bless him dont fall sick. so we can enjoy next tue (:
got a sudden interest in renting movies. but yest we rent "Be Cool" ah.. such a disappointment. waste money only. i wanna watch "fifty first date" and "boggelman" and some korean shows. maybe next week when is less stressful.
yang suddenly like drinking. we've been buying beer and alcoholic drinks for three days. dont know is my fault or what. cause him to have that interest.
my addiction to coke light and vodka.

early morning woke up. eat maggie mee with lots of lettuce! and watch Xmen2. what a boring life i have! intend to go for a swim. but but but... just but..



spend the WHOle DAY staring at maths. i need some FRESh AIR... BReAthE!


ai.. temporary skin..
sth gone wrong with my own blog skin.. tsk tsk


yeah maths p1 finished! Yuppie!
wah.. jus finish two big bowl of rice. can tell i starve thru the whole exam. not to mention that i nearly pee during the exam.. the stupid teacher can go on forever nag nag nag nag nag. sigh. aiyah dont know what to say abt maths. should be easy. need to work hard on paper 2 now.

after my lit paper one...
Tue.. GOing JB shopping! going to get my sunglasses! (yang finally can take leave)

my only one fear is lit paper one. cos i sucks at it can. (besides g.p)

fri is g.p paper. what can i do. what can i do. what can i do.

read the papers.

tata

the pic caught my eye...

after watching the meteor garden again and again. heh.. cant help being crazy over him

i sat on my fav pair of sunglasses..
it is pi jiak now.. Gone!! ARG

sob... really felt like crying.. it's my fav!

i sat on alot of my sunglasses and broke it. but never this. i shouldnt have been so lazy and left it in the bag. haix

i like the colour and the shape so much. got it from msia that time. cheap and nice. now' it's gone.. sigh sigh.. i can buy a new one but so what, it will never be the same again!

stupid clumsy me.. SIGH


with someone like him looking after me,
i'm the luckiest girl on earth...

life is so complex. but i like it this way....

i'm being so riduculously happy with no particular reason at all..


b o r e d

i am so tired. was angry at mum bcos of her irresponsibility at times. but forget it.
yang still outside wor.. ok guy's outing. let him enjoy bah

me.. watching the mtv qi just sent me.
extremely tired. study tml.
cant stand my curly wurly hair

still. i miss him very very very much.


there are some self improvement books lying on the table.
i borrow it from the lib. is call the "99 ways to be happier" "comfort queenie guie to life"
hmmm.. i dont feel like flipping it through.
i wish i'm not so grumpy. its me sick. its make others sick.
i am determine to heal myself (:


i was doing my a n c essay when i saw kon msg..
kon's lec and consultation cancelled for tml. cos her grandma pass away, she need to handle some family matters.
well.. unexpected things keep on happening.
sigh.

there are several things on my mind:
1)i think i will do well for a n c
2)i think i know nuts abt country wife.
3)i think my silas's essay will turn out okay
4)i hate maths now and then
5)i think i will feel bored later when yang go movies with his pals
6)i am sleepy
7)i am thinking of what to get for yee chui's bday
8)i am tired
9)i am thinking of whether to see a doc later. severe constipation- cant even sleep at night
10)i am thinkin of sat bbq... dont know whether i can eat anything anot :(
11)still thinkin of how to study maths ARG
12)bad hair day


did i mention studying maths in lib doesnt work?
bcos i could barely get thru one maths qns without saying "huh" or "borrrring" or yawning.
ARG.
need to do lots of lit essays. got consultation!


life is just a box of chocolates. u never know watcha gonna get... -forest Gump

i miss watching this movie. FoRest Gump; (:

decided to drop by home today bcos i miss Dad terribly. and i miss all my doggies caties...
didnt expected to be such a rewarding day...
got myself lots of branded make up.. dior lip stick. polo ralph perfume. maybelline eye shadow etc etc.. too many. lots of nice clothings. all this thanks to my da Jie. i decided to suit her in everything yup. and she is super nice to me. even gave me lots of expensive cleanser.
well... as for my room, it became worse. it has become so tidy and pretty except one thing... where is my table? where is my stuff? oh and where is my bed? all thrown out (: aint i not angry? nope. bcos i'm gonna sleep with my mama when i get back home. no more controlling freaks. and thanks to this. yi dao liang duan. no more curfew.
i'm gonna paint mum's room when i get back.

love mummy.


wah really shiok today. shop alot. buy alot clothes. buy alot food!
DESTRESS
yest... finish my 1st paper.. haix. i can say i really tried my best but.. unfortunately the qns for chi lit was really unexpected.. esp for the most impt 60 marks. i can really say bye bye to it. i only write 2.5 page for each qns... and alot complications for paper 1 too.
yah we all were like scolding fuck.. abt it. but suan le.. time to work hard.
i might get a B for chi (:
so now mus aim for maths and lit. ^_^

borrow some books for self improvement and hope to find a solution to my depression problem. my destructive behaviour will only ruin our relationship. haix.. even though yang suggest i should sought professional help..but.. i only think its a matter of ownself.whether i want to delude in my problems and become so unhappy all the time.

ok.. i tell him i will be happy. i want to be happy. i want to be nice. i want everything to be alright. i want to look on the happy side. i want to be contented with my life.
and from now on, i will try and try.